Putting on a pretence.

Friday, July 17, 2009

I HAVENT BLOGGED SINCE APRIL. haha. wow. okay. fine i was lazy. i admit.

anyway, life has been with its ups and downs haha.
yay suanne i blogged haha dont worry i think i am fine for now! thanks for your concern though! love you haha. we have to sing mika together again kk and the flower song. and you uh...stay healthy k haha :)OH AND I TOLD GWEN THAT I MUST SAY THIS : GWEN ALWAYS BULLY ME AND LIKE BULLY ME UNTIL I FEEL SAD :( HAHA. yes gwen!

BIGGEST NOTE OF THE DAY:
EZILABETH CHAN IS REALLY PRETTY.
SHE IS ELEGANT.
AND HAS A GREAT VOICE.
WOOTS EVERYBODY WHEN YOU SEE HER PLEASE TELL HER THAT SHE IS PRETTY :)
ALTHOUGH SHE CAN BE QUITE A TEMPREMENTAL 61 YEAR OLD WOMAN. WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY, OLD LADIES DO HAVE THEIR TEMPER SOMETIMES DONT THEY. WE AS CHILDREN SHOULD BEAR WITH IT HAHA :)

founders day is coming. hope it'll be fun! haha. i think i am starting to miss MG already. boo :( but i kinda dont like exams so HAHA. too bad. i havent started revision yet eeps. oh no. but i find like something wrong with the atmosphere in sch nowadays. its getting so tense, quiet, and like..everyone is not themselves (including me) but like wow, i mean like why is everyone like that? it just feels so weird sometimes that ai ya, i dunno how to say but, sigh.

my mind has been confused recently, over things which even i dont understand i wonder how my mind knows, ok i think it has been stuck in me since p3 goodness gracious. but yeah, sometimes i find it hard to untangle this really deep knot in my brain. nothing is tell me anything haha. oh well; i will really try my best to abstain from going into my torture chamber. which means i have to search for something else to help me relieve. i have been having really really bad dreams recently, it makes me feel like crying so much. especially today when they talked about death. wow i didnt know i felt like crying so much haha. oh well, this is it right;

I like the flowers,
I like the daffadils(CANT SPELL)
I like the mountains
I like the green fields
I like the fire stove
I like to walk alone

me4eva
goaled @ 5:24 AM

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

you can say that i kicked that habit for quite a long while(or at least it is to me now)haha. i really hope old habits do not die hard eeps.
anyway yes, this is really kinda back dated, but i am gonna post about AYG.

it started off GREAT. okay not that great because the night before i was actually too excited to sleep. i could imagine the tension and everything that was about to happen. i just wished for KOREA to do our best, play like we used to, and i'd be happy. haha. yeah.

then, ta da, it was like the day man. my dream? or at least part of my dream was about to come true. my dream was simple. i just wanted to be a soccer player. to many this is so unrealistic. i mean look at me, overage already for training, so unfit and skillless. i was just some violent person who could just kick the ball so hard. well, anyway i dont know if this could be one of the days i ever wanted and wished for: to play what i love the most.

it happened two years ago in sec 2, and we were runners up. i was really happy on that day too. these two days were really gonna make an everlasting impact on my life. because i want this so much. i love this so much. i love soccer. there are actually no better words to describe it. i dont know how or why i loved it, but because i rarely get to play soccer, this day was really gonna be one of the best moments in my life.

THEN IT STARTED. my adrenaline was pumping so hard. i played a few games more as a substitute, because duh i lacked stamina heh. i really wanted to play so much. even seeing us play made me feel that this is the best day of my life. then i dont know how.i accidentally pushed someone down against the match with 4O. previously i really didnt want to hurt anyone. she cried. i felt it i felt bad i felt i shouldnt play anymore. and maybe god answered my prayers? i got injured after the match. i never really said this to anyone but since it is long over..haha i shall confess.
the night before there was a sharp pain in my ankle. i kinda just slept with it so yeah i guess after that match my ankle landed in a seemingly weird position. the pain was back. i tried to control it but it hurt. after putting ice. SHUCKS I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT EVER. because it hurt more than ever. yeah so i kinda couldnt play.
i wanted to save myself for the finals or smth, but i couldnt really. and diane wanning and choe was really nice enough to remind me not to play.even though i really wanted to.

although i must say, watching is good enough. my heart was beating like crazy during the finals, and we won just like 5s before the whistle ended.

THIS WAS THE BOMB. when we won i really really felt the joy. the sensation. it was a sensational win. oh my gosh. till today when i think back, it was so sensational. it was like the moment of my life. never had i felt so great, so happy. i really couldnt help it but i just broke down and cried. how embarrasing. but i was so happy, so so so happy. i dont know what to say or what to do but just that in my heart, it was burning with delight, with so much joy.

we did it.

yeah. i am really happy, grateful and thankful for that day. it really is gonna last forever in my life. it might just seem like a interclass competition but to me, i really think its so meaningful. i might not get to ever fufil my dream. but even if i dont do so, i think this is really great enough to last me best memories. the passion, will always be there.

to TEAM KOREA:
sorry this post is really late. but still?? hah better than never :))

sorry for not being a good coach. i know i didnt really help that much and like thank you so much guys for even choosing soccer in the first place. i think we are THE TEAM and we will always be THE TEAM. we did it, we made it. what we wanted we had. i love us, each sessions were so fun together. i learnt alot from each and everyone of you. and i really thank you for rebuilding the passion of soccer inside my heart. i loved each and every moment of soccer. i really hope you guys enjoyed youself too. we were the best! haha. and someday if you dont mind, i would love to play soccer with you guys again. i really want to. you're all the best. it was all thanks to you guys man yeah i love us!

DIANE: you are THE BEST THE MOST AWESOME THE COOLEST THE WOW-EST DEFENDER I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE. seriously. i mean every word i am saying and i wont lie. diane you are so cool man like i cant hold a candle to you. you defend so well and as long as the ball goes past me, i know diane will always be there. and you did. thanks for being so persevering especially during the finals. you are the most determined person i have seen and i love that spirit of yours. i really learnt alot from you. i am gonna remember you. haha. you crazy incredible stamina and wacky diane :)

WANNING: hey hey wanning haha :) you. are the best striker i have seen. you are seriously like wow SO REALLY COMPOSED. you are so precise and pro man. wow. yeah you were really good in every game i saw you. and although you didnt get to do what you imagined in your dream( HAHA I STILL REMEMBER) but yes one day if we ever play again you will DO IT. haha. i still remember that spirit in you when we were down by a goal it was funny, but worth it. because it paid off. you are really the best striker. and i really loved every funny moment i spent with you. even in history. haha :) BEND IT LIKE WANNING YO :)

RACHEL: Yo choe. haha. i always seem to associate yo with you okay thats not the point haha. throughout this like AYG, i really have to thank you for even being a winger in the first place. you rocked at it. you were so ultra stamina-ed and like omg, i see you run here run there. WOW MAN. you were great. and i love the way you kick, it was powerful, just like the way i would kick. choe, you are a really really good winger and like you are so all rounded. thank you for like playing soccer man. you really ROCKED and your spirit was commendable dude. that YEAH look on your face after we won made me and i guess everyone feel so damn great haha. KUDOS TO YOU, SUPER WINGER :)

GEETIKA: miss tiny looking but FIERCE midfielder :) haha looks can be deceiving eh geetika :) haha you are like really eh, look so skinny and petite but wow when you play, you are agressive dude. haha. you are a really superb midfielder, especially when you work with wannning haha. and i think you are a good central midfielder, and even though sometimes i know you were really tired, i am really happy to see how you pushed on. thanks gee :) you're funny dude, and i have so much to learn and so much to say. except for the fact that you like manchester united, haha you're GREAT!

SHANNEN: hey hey shannen bro:) hehe. although you were not here for some trainings, when you were here you brought LIFE to the team man. everytime you were playing we were laughing. DONT THINK YOU CANT PLAY SOCCER. because EVERYONE CAN. EVERYONE IS SPECIAL IN THEIR OWN WAY. you, although super GAYISH but are one cool and good goal keeper. you seriously are so brave and not scared when the ball hits any part of your body. (yeah its painful) and i really think you were best goalie man. the goalie although dont run but is the most important player of the team, and you were. thanks for willing to be goalie in the first place. one day, we'll play together again. master our drop kicks, and we'll rock it. haha not forgetting if you ever learn how to do circle shots do teach me :))

AH BAO: even though you were sick but i am glad you actually played soccer ah bao. its like cools man i see ah bao playing with me eh!!!! i hope you are not that scared of the ball now. YOUR TRADE MARK MR BEAN DODGE IS FUNNY. haha you were so funny when you played. and even though you didnt play, i feel that you are the person with the best precision. your passes are really accurate and good job :) and and although you were not running that much, but you are seemingly always at the right places at the right time so yeah. THANK YOU AH BAO.i hope when you are less scared you are willing to play with me :)

EMMA: YOU ARE CHAMPION MAN. sprain ankle. haha. but yes even though you played for a really short period of time but you were funny. a pity you couldnt do your "AH DONT TOUCH ME" thing. it would have been cool. but i think you are really good mentally because you cheered alot for us and i guess we all could feel it. THANKS SO MUCH for lending me your ankle guard and put your own ankle at risk. i am really sorry for using it and thanks alot emma :) love you <33

AND I REALLY WANNA THANK 4I too. the finals you guys were TOTALLY AMAZING. you all were great. although you saw my embarrasing moment but thank you so much.

i love you, KOREA :)

me4eva
goaled @ 6:08 AM

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Friday, March 13, 2009

i listen, i see, i feel.
i'm tired, i'm beaten

sigh. its been pretty rough.
so many misunderstandings, so many hurtful events that happen to me.
what else but suffer in silence.
i'm hurt, upset, and just, exhausted.

i cant trust, but i need someone.
oh dear. my world is spinning round me but i'm not in it.

sigh. after what happened these times,
you made me stuck at where i am.
i dont know how to feel anymore.
i should just become mildred.

Moral of the story:

I shall relax in my torture chamber
My tools are ready
So am i.

me4eva
goaled @ 7:14 AM

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Friday, February 27, 2009

freak.
i've been utterly disappointed and depressed.
i really suck like shit.
i'm in this horrible mess.
i feel like killing someone.

school sucks. i suck. i cant seem to think properly sighs...
i aim to pass all common tests because i've given up.

i found a new method to hit my hand. i think its quieter than punching doors. and i have a 100% accuracy and assurance of pain rather than hitting the wrong spot on doors and not feeling anything :)
maybe what someone told me is right. hands are only important to those who play piano and etc. i should just go injure my leg, so i cant play soccer ever again. mm. maybe that is quite a good idea. just that besides hitting my leg against hard objects, i cant find another way to injure it.

then again, i really want to play soccer. and then again, maybe i should punish myself and ban myself from playing. mm.

DOES ANYONE HAVE A WAY OF HURTING ONE'S LEG OR INJURING THE MUSCLE OR WHATSOEVER SHIT? TELL ME THANKS. i'll greatly appreciate it. :)

i keep having dreams that i will get cellular back smth smth. maybe i will get it.

i feel like running away from this life. i cant vent in school or at home properly. the "imaginary" is not helping much. it was supposed to.

i am just so confused with myself, with my life. I REALLY CANNOT FREAKIN STAND IT.
i really need someone to talk to now. i feel like. swearing. whatever

and to you:
i cant, wont and dont want to understand.
let it be.
get out of my life.
i wont ever say the word -----.
its useless, isnt it.

freak i cant stand this.

me4eva
goaled @ 8:39 PM

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Monday, January 26, 2009

CHINESE NEW YEAR :) haha FINALLY i can rest. a little. whatever man. sec 4 life sucks yo. but this year's new year hasnt been that fun. maybe not yet i hope tomorrow will be better man.
lucky i finished the stupid math test if not i will be rushing by nao hahahah :) darn it i subbed the plus with the minus and got 1 question wrong. and ace learning sucks. i panicked because of the timing. PARANOIA. much. darn it the more i look the more i think i spelled the word paranoia wrongly oh wells who cares haha.

school has been so dead and the weather has been HOT and Cold. the winds are damn nice but the sun is damn hot. BANG BANG BANG the doors go sigh this is driving me crazy. every time the door slams i get a shock and fling my pen. darn it i think my pen is gonna like spoil sooner or later. hah FP FP DO YOU REMEMBER MY ULTRA COOL REVOLVING BACK SHOT SPIN AND DOINK GOES THE RED DOT. hahahahha. that was damn funneh.

anyway CHINESE NEW YEAR = ANG BAOs = MONEHH = SPEND :) hahah. whatever lah. HEY ALL YOU BORN IN THE YEAR OF CHICKEN KIDDIES OUR LUCKY COLOUR IS SUPPOSEDLY BLACK YO =O. quite shocking. i purposely didnt buy black clothes because i have always thought that it was like unlucky colour haha SIGH WHATEVER all these is just for fun. i still think LUCK brings me more success hahaha :)

my father's side family. all the girls are girly except me. as usual people commented. haha. i just told them WHATEVER. sigh why cant people except that some girls are not that girly and do not wish to because of certain reasons and therefore should be excused from wearing such ugly girly clothes.

okay lah whatever i feel like emo-ing but since this is new year i shant spoil this post hahaha.
i feel like gambling now hehes.
i miss pee pee and poo poo/ AMY'S CHEMISTRY AND MATH/ TT and BC/ BIBI and BABA WHATEVER. haha i cant wait to see them on wed :)

i think i have been super random today. whatever haha.school has made me cranky and crankier and i need to unwind. i still think punching walls serve me best haha :)

happy chinese new year to everyone yo :)

me4eva
goaled @ 7:22 AM

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Sunday, January 11, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIEL!(:

sigh i really wonder how come i cant put big and large font words. SIGH. okay but yes HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIEL!

i'm done.

me4eva
goaled @ 5:08 AM

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Saturday, January 10, 2009

school has been sucky. totally sucky. i feel tired every single day darn it this sucks yo. but at least the re-tests week is over and even though i am happy that the lit test is over i still think i am gonna fail darn badly. i wrote crap sigh. what is wrong with me man. and shykes there is english test next week. congratulations i am gonna faint soon. its only like second week of school. how many more to go man. sigh.

i feel like i dont have the mood to do anything. the only thing i look forward to is pe. heh. i hate studying. school food sucks. SIGH. i need therapy. i need to vent this anger.

am i very easy to read?
it seems like everyone can read me.
oh wells, i guess i shall try to make a thicker mask.
and wear it all the time.

me4eva
goaled @ 7:19 AM

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